The Art of Holding Space
How to Support Yourself & Others
We all want to be there for the people we care about. Whether it’s a friend going through heartbreak, a family member navigating grief, or someone just having a bad day—we want to show up. Be helpful. Say the right thing. Fix it, even.
But the truth?
Most of the time, the best thing we can do is simply…hold space.
That might sound abstract, but “holding space” is just a fancy way of saying:
I’m here. I’m not judging. I’m not trying to fix this. I just want you to feel safe, seen, and supported.
And the real magic?
We can learn to hold space for others—but also for ourselves.
What It Really Means to Hold Space
Holding space isn’t passive. It’s not about sitting quietly and hoping someone feels better. It’s active, intentional, and deeply compassionate. It means offering someone the room to show up exactly as they are, without rushing them to move on, be okay, or “look on the bright side.”
When we hold space, we:
✨ Listen without interrupting.
✨ Validate without fixing.
✨ Witness without judgment.
✨ Sit with discomfort—even when it’s hard.
And maybe most importantly:
We let someone feel what they need to feel without making it about us.
Why Holding Space Matters
In a world that moves fast, that often expects people to “bounce back” or “stay positive,” holding space is radical.
It says: You don’t have to perform healing for me. You don’t have to be okay yet.
And for those of us on the receiving end? It’s a relief. Because sometimes, the most healing thing isn’t advice—it’s presence.
How to Hold Space for Someone Else
Not sure how to do it? Here’s a quick guide that doesn’t involve becoming anyone’s therapist:
1. Ask What They Need (Don’t Assume)
Try: “Do you want to vent, or are you looking for advice?”
This question can transform the conversation. Sometimes we offer solutions when someone just needs to feel heard.
2. Resist the Urge to Fix
It’s hard, especially when we love someone. But most people aren’t asking you to solve their pain—they just want to know it’s okay to feel it.
3. Use Validating Language
Try:
💬 “That sounds really heavy.”
💬 “I can see why that would be hard.”
💬 “I’m here with you.”
These responses offer comfort without minimizing what someone’s going through.
4. Follow Up Without Pressure
Check in later. Even a “thinking of you” text can be powerful. Just don’t demand an update or expect them to be in a different emotional place than they were before.
Holding Space for Yourself
This part gets overlooked, but it’s just as important. Holding space for yourself means giving yourself permission to feel the full spectrum of your emotions, even the messy ones. Especially the messy ones.
It means:
💛 Giving yourself time to grieve, even if “nothing big” happened.
💛 Letting yourself rest when your body is screaming for a break.
💛 Reminding yourself: “I don’t have to rush through this part of my healing.”
You don’t have to earn compassion. You don’t need to be “over it” by now.
You are allowed to be in process.
A Note on Boundaries
Holding space for others doesn’t mean draining yourself in the process.
Compassion without boundaries leads to burnout.
You can hold space and still say:
“I care deeply, but I’m not in the right headspace to talk about this today.”
“I’m going to pause this conversation and come back to it when I have more capacity.”
Protecting your own energy allows you to show up in a way that’s sustainable, not self-sacrificing.
Final Thought:
Holding space is not about having the right words.
It’s not about being the perfect friend, partner, or human.
It’s about being present.
It’s about saying: “You’re not alone in this. I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”
Reflection Prompt: Who’s held space for you lately? How do you hold space for yourself? Let’s reflect together in the comments.
